April is Autism Awareness Month, a time meant to celebrate, understand, and uplift the diverse voices and experiences within the Autistic and neurodivergent community, yet, this week, we were met with a painful reminder that ignorance still has a microphone.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., head of the Department of Health and Human Services, recently made public remarks that were not only outdated and uneducated, but deeply dehumanizing to autistic individuals and their families.

He said:

“Autism destroys families, and more importantly, it destroys our greatest resource, which is our children. These are children who should not be suffering like this,” he said. “These are kids who will never pay taxes. They’ll never hold a job. They’ll never play baseball. They’ll never write a poem. They’ll never go out on a date. Many of them will never use a toilet unassisted.”

As a mom of four incredible children with Autism—two biological (step) and two adopted, let me be clear: he could not be more wrong.

Autism Doesn’t Destroy Families—Ignorance Does

If by destroys a family, is that it is hard, overwhelming, frustrating at times, that families have to advocate constantly for their childrens needs and never stop taking no for an answer.  That is not destroying my family…that is doing what ever is necessary to protect and honor your child…that is call LOVE!  It’s made us more resilient, more connected, and more aware of what truly matters. My children have pushed me to grow in ways I never imagined and they’ve overcome more than most adults ever will.

But it has not “destroyed” our family. if anything, it has shaped us into stronger, more compassionate human beings.   My kids are a blessing!  

We have faced many barriers and challenges. We have heard the predictions of what our kids “would never do”, but every day, they prove those predictions wrong.

They are not broken. They are not suffering. They are not burdens.

They are individuals with their own interests, personalities, talents, and yes, challenges…just like any other human being.

Our children are not less

To say autism would “destroy our greatest resource, which is our children” is to deny the very fabric of their being, the essence of being who they were mean to be! RFK Jr. implies that their lives have less value simply because they move, speak, or engage differently than neurotypical kids. That is not only inaccurate, it is dangerous.

My children love deeply, they laugh often, they build LEGO masterpieces, create amazing worlds in Minecraft, snuggle with pets, make jokes, go on adventures, play with friends and teach me how to see the world through a wider, wiser and kinder lens.

Two are adults now and living on their own, paying taxes, working jobs, and living life on their own terms. One has earned her master’s degree and writes fiction for fun. The younger two are still growing, learning, evolving and amazing me by their tenacity.

Have there been bumps and bruises along the way?  Have the learning curve been a bit steeper of a climb?  You bet!  BUT THEY ARE DOING IT!  They are living life on their terms and figuring it out like most young people fresh out of high school or college.

My kids are survivors, they are warriors, they are overcomers…I simply don’t understand how that implies that simply by being autistic that they are less than and they most certainly are not suffering! They love life, their family, pets, and friends…that is not suffering, that is living!

Independence looks differently for everyone

Needing assistance with daily tasks does not determine someone’s value or potential.  There are seasons in everyones life that using a toilet unassisted will be an issue.

If we applied that logic to  individuals with MS, ALS, Parkinsons, or the aging population, at some point they too will need assistance for their basic needs. It is nothing to be ashamed of!

It is true that most autistic kids do take longer to be potty trained. Yes, I still have a 13yo that has incontinence issues but it never occured to me to think that because his body is a bit slower to learn awareness that he was suffering or destroying our family.

Are we to dehumanize someone or shame them because their bodies are not cooperating on some BS timeline?

Autism is not a tragedy, but marginalization is

RFK Jr. also alluded to the idea that autism is caused by environmental damage or injury, a belief not rooted in science or the lived experiences of countless families and individuals. While it is true the causes of autism are still being explored and there are many theory’s, it is our families belief that autism is genetic.

Two of our children are adopted and underwent genetic testing, the patterns for them are undeniable.   For our eldest two, if you have met my husband, you’d see those beautiful neurodivergent traits passed down with love.

Autism isn’t something to fix but rather support, nurture, and celebrate!

Calling for acceptance…not pity

It wasn’t that long ago that children like mine would have been institutionalized, isolated from society, denied education and family. We must never return to that kind of thinking. We must reject the narrative that different equals less.

If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed because of an individuals uneducated and insensitive remarks, please know this:

You are not broken. You are not a burden. You are not suffering simply because you exist and experience the world differently!  You are beautiful, worthy and deserving of everything your heart desires!

RFK Jr.’s remarks hurt, not just because they were false, but because they reflect a worldview that dismisses the dignity and humanity of autistic people and that cannot go unchecked.

Autism does not destroy families, it changes them, it stretches them, it opens up new ways of thinking, loving, and living! 

As for the McCombs? It has brought more joy, resilience, and growth than I ever could have imagined.  My children are my greatest reward!  They are my heartbeat…They are my WHY!

Let’s use this fire not just for awareness, but for acceptance, deep listening, and unapologetic advocacy.

Because our children are not tragedies, they are the bravest humans I know.

All my love,

Dena