We are coming up on the one year mark since Derek and I had a phone call with Bayley where  they shared they were on an HRT journey to become more “masculine”.

 We listened, we told them we loved them and of course we would support thier choice and that they were still Bayley to us. The truth is,  we didn’t fully grasp what it meant at the time and I don’t think they really knew either.

The truth is we just didn’t yet understand how many layers this journey would uncover…not just for them, but for us, too.

As parents, we spend years learning the faces of our children…their eyes, their smile, their voice, their laugh.  So when your child begins to physically change due to HRT, adjusting to the new pronouns and perhaps a new name, there’s a quiet ache that forms in the background…a kind of grief.

As parents, you grieve the child you once knew, not because you’ve lost them, but because their outer expression no longer mirrors the memory etched in your heart. It’s disorienting.

Sometimes it catches you off guard when you look at an old family photo, an old video, a name that no longer fits but there is still a quiet love in that grief.

But here’s the part that matters most.

Alongside that grief comes something else…PEACE.

When you see your child start to come alive and truly find joy, when the depression and anxiety that once held them down like chains begin to lift, when their smile becomes light and  unburdened…you begin to understand. You begin to see who they’ve been all along, even if it wasn’t always visible.

Bayley/Bear has always been thier own person, beat to their own drum and didn’t feed into the noise of what others thought of them.  I have always admired that quality about them!

To claim their truth in a world that doesn’t always make room for difference, equality and diversity, it takes a type of strength and bravery most of us will never have to call upon.

Bayley/Bear through this all, has answered my many questions.  Questions that allowed me to learn about their journey so that Derek and I could support and feel in some small way a part of the journey.

Bayley/Bear officially announced thier new pronouns of they/he not too long ago and I texted them and said, “Does that mean I can call you my son?”

Bayley/Bear replied, “How does that make you feel?”

To which I replied, “You know I have always said I was a boy mom!”

Bayley/Bear then shared that they prefer the neutral pronouns of they/them.  I will be 100% honest, the pronouns have been the hardest part of this journey for me to get used to…it is like a mental block.  Using they/them when referring to Bayley/Bear is hard, it feels impersonal on some level, like I am talking about someone I barely know.

It is taking time to absorb the new and grieve what feels like is lost…it takes patience (more on Bayley/Bear’s part…wink, wink) and compassion and maybe a few tears.

But…it is so worth it to know that your child  is happy, content, feels more at home in their body and more connected to their truth.

Isn’t that what everyone should strive for?

While I still carry memories of the Bayley I once knew, I carry those memories alongside an immense pride for the person Bayley/Bear is becoming today!

This journey is sacred…it is a celebration of living a life fully in alignment with who you were destined to be!

In the same breathe, I also want to acknowledge something that stays heavy on my heart.

Not every transgender individual has a family who says, “I love you. I support you. I see you.”

Not every parent is able to embrace this journey, or even remain in their child’s life and not every story has a peaceful ending.

When I wear my Free Mom Hugs T-Shirt at Pride events, it is heartbreaking on one hand to see the individuals come up with tears in their eyes wishing that it was thier mom or dad giving the hug.  It is also wonderful to see so many supporting and loving families together out celebrating with and for each other.

This path isn’t easy for the parents or the individuals transitioning and I know that even in our moments of grief for what was, the confusion of what will be…we are among the lucky ones.

So if you’re a parent reading this who’s still trying to understand, or a young person wondering if there’s anyone out there who will love you through it, I want you to know, love and hope are always there. Sometimes buried under layers of fear or pain, but they are there.

And sometimes, when one person is brave enough to live their truth, it creates space for another to do the same.

I am so thankful Bayley/Bear was brave enough to shine their light and perhaps be a beacon of hope for others afraid to take that leap.

Bayley/Bear, thank you for choosing truth, for choosing light over fear, depression and anxiety!

You are my reminder every day that healing doesn’t mean going back, it means becoming more of who you are.